


Vulnerable

by Only_Agnst_Please (Lem_Reali)



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Caring Sebastian, Crying, Fluff, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmare, No Sex, No Smut, Paternal Instinct, Platonic Relationships, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt, it sounds cringy but I've kept them as true to character as possible, it's just angst, with some like 'oh! but look' kind of approach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23375908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lem_Reali/pseuds/Only_Agnst_Please
Summary: It's been a long time since Ciel had a nightmare that's woken him, or that's led to Sebastian intervening. On a cloudless night, with no moon to cast light through his bedroom window, Ciel is found sitting on his bed, overcome by an unpleasant dream that he assumed was long since dead.Only this time his nightmare was different, which resulted into a meltdown that Sebastian didn't know how to handle.This leads to a conversation opened by the young Earl, who was in such a vulnerable state.
Relationships: Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive
Comments: 4
Kudos: 89





	Vulnerable

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I dunno the timeline for this, I just wanted to write.

* * *

Sebastian's eyes slightly shifted, as his gaze wandered atop the fallen head of his young master. It was rare for the young Phantomhive Lord to express moments of vulnerability, but it wasn't an event that had gone by without witness (much to the chagrin of the boy).

The demon sighed, the expression of exhausting reaching his face. "Really, my Lord. You can't expect me to read your mind." He almost wanted the boy to retort. To snap at him, and seethingly say 'of course you can', but it didn't seem like his master was going to take the bait of teasing.

Sebastian watched as small shoulders trembled, small sounds of hitched breathing, poorly concealed into the palms of dewy hands. Knowing not to push further, Sebastian looked over the boys head and towards the bedroom window, staring at the expanse of trees on the large acre of the Phatomhive estate, looking more like sharp hills below a dark night sky. 

It was common in the beginning, for Sebastian to feel the distress in his masters soul whenever the boy would tear himself awake from a nightmare.   
But it had been years, far too long since the demon would stand by his masters side, waiting for the panic to ease, for the boy to regulate his breathing, so that Sebastian could guide him back to sleep and exit the room to tend to other things.

Sebastian sighed, setting the candle holder onto the nightstand, eyes observing the large beds canopy curtains just to make sure it wasn't going to catch fire. He stood upright, staring down at the crown of hair as the boy remained seated at the edge of the bed, curling into himself. "Was it another bad dream?" He asked, tone gentle.

The young boy didn't speak, still trying to contain the sounds of his crying by pressing the palms of his hands into his face.

"What was it about?" Sebastian tried, but instead of words, the boy heaved and coughed, his hands pulling away with the abrupt movement.

For some reason, although it was obviously clear that he'd been crying, the boy seemed to give up appearances, his wet hands gripping the edge of his mattress so tight that the comforter twisted into his small fingers. He was now openly crying, not caring that the demon was staring at him, undoubtedly judging him for his fragility.

Sebastian sighed, walking away from the nightstand, re-positioning himself to linger before his master, eyes still focused on the boys scalp, often times glancing towards the balled up comforter. "Do you wish for me to stay?"

This seemed to finally full the boy out of his trance, his head shooting up to look at the demon with a mixture of emotions. Even Sebastian couldn't pinpoint exactly what expression he was being given. Was it anger? Frustration? Fear? 

No this was familiar... This was the expression the boy wore in the beginning of their contract.

This was the expression of utter hopelessness. 

Sebastian didn't need to ask to know what the young master was trying to say, 'please don't leave me'. The demon let his eyes close as he graced his lips with a gentle and knowing smile. "Then I will stay." Placing a gloved hand at his chest, the demon gave a slight boy, then lowered his body to a kneeling position, his eyes glued to the boy's mismatched ones as he descended to rest upon the boy on one knee.

This seemed to stir the boy, his expression going from concern, to awe, then slight confusion. "What're you-"

"Your nose," Sebastian interrupted, pulling a handkerchief that was neatly folded into one of his pockets. His hand neared the young master, ready to clean his face off, but the boy lightly flinched away, and the demon stopped, coming to an abrupt halt. The demon slightly retracted his hand. "My apologies, I should have warned you."

The boy shook his head. "No..." He tried to gather his pride by easing the anxiety on his face, forcing his mask to replace it, but failing to achieve it completely. "No I shouldn't have reacted in such a pitiful way."

Sebastian hummed out an amused sound as he gave a slight considerable smile. He knew that the boy hated to appear weak to others, but the demon was also very old, and witness to many tragedies. He wasn't born a demon, after-all, and not only felt the swirl of emotions that the boy currently felt long ago, but also witnessed it throughout his time as a creature from Hell. He was a monster, a sin, a humanoid embodiment of pure evil, but he remembered fear and anxiety, and he knew what trauma could do to a person, not only having dealt with it, but also watching it many times.

The Demon knew, that providing space, waiting for gestures of consent, and moving slowly, were integral in ensuring that the other person not find your presence as a discomfort, or threat.   
Resting on one knee, arm outstretched and hand still holding the cotton fabric, wasn't a position Sebastian was holding out of spite or misunderstanding. It was a sign of patience, and complete regard. Not just because his Master didn't give him permission, but because he didn't want to make matters worse for the human.

The boy nodded, even leaning slightly forward to allow Sebastian to dab the handkerchief against rosy cheeks, starting from closed eyes and wet lashes, down to the jawline, then around the nose and over chapped lips. 

Sebastian's hand hovered by the patient boys face, eyes scanning to see if he'd missed anything. When he didn't notice any remnants of tears or mucus, he pulled away entirely with a customary smile. "Done." He announced, satisfied with his work.

Remaining in his slightly leaned position, the boys eyes slowly opened, pupils to the rug scrunched around his servants knee. He remained silent for nearly a minute, just gazing and slowly blinking, until his lips finally parted.

He didn't speak despite the breathe he took in, ready to say something, so the Demon decided to aid him. "What was that, young Master?"

The boy knew he didn't say anything, but he was so lost in thought, that his huff of frustration didn't seem targeted towards knowing what his butler was trying. He was entirely oblivious. He parted his lips again. "It was the same."

Sebastian, slightly irate and feeling impatience grow, tilted his head to the side, holding himself back and forcing himself to remember that the boy needed reassurance. "The same?" He echoed.

Ciel didn't seem bothered by the repetition, and only nodded lightly in return, stilling his head and giving himself a moment to conjure the words. "I was in that cage, again. But this time, I wasn't yelling for..." His mismatched eyes cast off to the side, staring at the edge of the rug. "- **_him_**..."

That was new. Sebastian straightened his head, staring at the uncertainty in his masters face. "Oh?"

"You know how it happened, that day, when you were summoned." Ciel didn't look to Sebastian, but could see the Demon nod from his periphery. "This time I wasn't yelling that they leave him alone. That they bring him back to me. This time I was in the cage, watching as my parents were being dragged away to the center of the theater room." 

The very room Sebastian burned to the ground when he first met Ciel. He remained silent, not wanting to push his master, who was now staring at the palm of his hand.

"I was in the cage, and the room was on fire, and he was already on the table with the knife in his gut and- and!-..." Ciel's breathing started to pick up, eyes wide and trembling, hands moving up to cover his face.

Sebastian didn't touch him, he knew not to. "Don't worry, young Master. I will remain here until you say otherwise and ask that I leave."

The Demon's voice seemed to ease Ciel, who nodded in understanding. "Yes I..." His small hands lowered, resting on his lap. "My parents are there with me- with us." Ciel looks to the Demon, their eyes meeting. "So is Sebastian, my dog. Aunt too. And..." He's shaking, seemingly vibrating. "And as the cloaked men are pulling my parents toward his body, I can hear them." He raises a hand, resting the palm against the shell of his ear, eyes cast to his lap. "I can hear them yelling ' _this is your fault_ '... ' _It should have been you!_ '-..." Ciel bites his bottom lip, looking back at Sebastian with so much guilt and self-hatred. "They're angry at me, Mother, Father, Aunty. They're begging that time be reversed, that I take _his_ place, that I die to properly preserve the Phatomhive name." He shakes his head, tears rolling down his cheeks, wetting them again. 

Sebastian's former attentive gaze of curiosity fell, and now he was staring at the boy with what looked like serious apathy. "But time can not be reversed, young Master. You are here now, while your beloved pet, and loving family, are dead. There's nothing that can change that now-"

" **I know!** " Ciel was seething, glaring at the demon, utterly offended. But just as quickly as his anger spiked, he started to calm down. "I _know_ that..."

Sebastian didn't particularly like being interrupted by a child, but now he was considering the boys words. "Then what is it that you suggest be done?"

Ciel looked away, ashamed, shaking his head. He kept staring at his hands, lost in thought. "You know, perhaps it's because I feel rather vulnerable, but there's something I've wanted to say." He looks to his butler, trying to force a semblance of seriousness, but failing again to do so. His next words came out as a whisper, eyes slightly glazed over. "You resemble my father so much." Gentle in tone, lost in a memory, as he observed the details of Sebastian's stoic face. Ciel's eyes narrowed as if seeking something, or recalling something. "So much like him..."

Sebastian closed his eyes. "It is because I take on the appearance that my Master finds most comforting."

Ciel's brows pressed. "Comforting?"

The Demon's dark auburn eyes opened, staring directly at the contract deal in the boys eye. "When I came to this plane of existence, I took the voice and appearance of something that eased your rampant consciousness." Sebastian watched as the boy looked toward his lap, thinking hard. "Clearly you seemed to have loved your father very much."

Ciel shook his head, unable to understand. "But why?" He sat up straight, almost glaring as he couldn't surmise a good enough explanation himself. "Why do **that**?"

"Because it helps in creating an immediate form of trust with the humans we are contracted to." Sebastian immediately responded with a straight face. 

This answer didn't seem to satisfy the young Earl. "But I didn't care for **that**!" He pulled his legs from over the bed and onto the mattress, rising to settle on his knees, glaring at the demon. "You could have taken any form! I just needed your help-"

"And then after the building was burned to the ground, what then?" Sebastian wondered with an arched brow. "Would you have still trusted me, in my true form?"

At that, Ciel seemed to slightly deflate, lost in the words he was going to use to argue against his servant. "Well- No, but-"

"I am a Demon, my Lord. I am a powerful evil creature from the eternal misery, Hell itself. I was not summoned with countless sacrifices, to simply commit to one chore, to burn down one building with a lack of succulent souls, only to be prized with that of a broken fragile boy."

Ciel looked to the Demon. "Are you saying that you would've taken my soul after burning that place down?"

"If you couldn't form a bond of trust with me," The Demon shook his head once to the side with a slight shrug. "Then yes, I would have." When the boy only gapingly stared at him, he added further. "I would be of no use if you could not properly direct me. So I needed your trust, and **this** appearance," He motioned to his physical self, a flat hand moving from his head and down toward the floor. "This appearance was in your mind when I stepped into that room- Well," He tilted his head slightly. "At least as close as it could possibly be."

This didn't seem to settle well with Ciel. He lowered his gaze as he moved, re-positioning his legs so that they were hanging off the side again. The boy looked crestfallen, with a hint of irritation.

Sebastian tilted his head to the side as he ducked down, leaning just enough to see the boys face. "Is my resemblance cause for further complication?"

Ciel rose his head, the question not sounding genuinely curious. "What do you mean by that?"

Sebastian sighed, pushing himself to a stand, dusting his knees before standing upright and staring directly into mismatched eyes. "Does this appearance cause for misunderstanding in our relationship?"

"Our relationship-"

"Young Master, you are certainly **aware** that I am not the former Earl, your _father_ , correct?" Sebastian deadpanned, one arched. 

The questioned immediately threw Ciel off, as he became an angry stuttering mess. "Of course I am ' **aware** '!"

Sebastian surveyed the dark room. "Then why am I here, past midnight, making sure you sleep soundly? Is that not what a parent does for their child?" Sebastian watched as the boys expression of anger further heated. "I am a _**Demon**_ , responsible for no one other than those I am sealed to." He rose a gloved hand, index finger pointing toward the boys face. "If not for the seal in your eye," He paused turning his wrist so that the back of his gloved hand was facing Ciel. "And the one on this hand, then you and your life would be nothing more than another soul."

  
Ciel's head dipped, face hiding behind his bangs. "Nothing more than..."

Sebastian placed a hand on his hip. "Apologies if my appearance and treatment has led you to believe that I am your replacement father figure-"

"Enough!" Ciel's immediately looked to the Demon, glaring. " **Get out!** "

Sebastian rose both arms, hands out. "As in out of your room, or manor-"

" **Out!** " Ciel spat, pushing himself off the bed, standing on trembling legs. His small hand gripped at his chest, the nightgown's collar lowering slightly with the pull of fabric. "Just-..." He huffed, sounding out of breath, head dropping. "Just get out." Ciel seemed utterly exhausted.

Sebastian started to see the signs of weakness right away. "Young Master, I think it's best you get back to bed and rest-" He reached out, but his hand was slapped away. 

"Do **not** touch me! Don't you _**dare**_ touch me!" Ciel stared up at the tall creature, trying to force some authority into his shaking voice. "I- You- That-That's an- Ord-"

Not caring to hear the command, Sebastian interrupted the frantic boy by placing his gloved hands onto tiny shoulders. "I think it's best that you relax-"

Ciel violently shrugged that hands off his shoulders. "I don't need your help-"

Sebastian quickly held the boy by the forearms to keep him from falling to the ground. "You've overworked yourself, and I'm certain that if I let go now, you will fall to the floor in a heap of limbs."

The boy remained still as the Demon held him up, breathing heavy. "This is all your fault." Ciel muttered with a shaky breath. "The destruction of the manor, the killing of my family, the kidnapping, the torture-" He looked up, meeting Sebastian's confused expression. Ciel's brows were pressed, looking utterly distraught. "All of this, to bring something so vile into our world." He was shaking more, at the verge of a meltdown. "They're all dead! And I'm alone, and it was ** _your_ _fault_**!"

Sebastian was taken aback, staring down at the shaking boy in his hold. He had never seen his master have such a breakdown, never heard him word this as such. The Demon had never really considered that truth either. It was fact, that the blood of the Phantomhives did greatly contribute to his coming into this world. He didn't realize that his gaze had wandered, until he felt the boy begin to struggle. "Young Mast-"

"Let me go-"

"Let me at least carry you to bed, young Master-"

" **Stop calling me that!** " Ciel shoved at the Demon's chest, though it did very little in his attempts to free himself. "How dare you!" He openly sobbed. "How _dare_ you insult me? Mock me? **Of'course** I know that you're not my father!" He legs grew weaker, voice softer, tears heavier. "I know that." He feebly muttered, voice full of sadness. "I know that." He whispered, his legs giving out, Sebastian following down with him.

The two awkwardly sat on the rug while Ciel cried, and Sebastian held him by the upper arms.

The Demon stared at him, observing him. "You know, I commend you for finding the courage to confess something you're surely very self-conscious about, so I will do the same." He looked away, staring at the candles still held up on the nightstand. "When I spent my first days with you, I was angry. I couldn't imagine having to serve such an entitled brat. While I perfected my craft at becoming more human, you perfected your position as an Earl." His eyes slightly narrowed, voice trailing off. "And at such a young age, no less. An accomplishment worth noting." He looked back to the crying boy. "I am certain that your father would be proud, if he could see you as you are now."

Ciel looked up at that, eyes wide. "Wha-"

One of Sebastian's hands let go of the boy, holding up it. "I still haven't confessed." He smiled warmly, re-positioning his hand onto the boys arm. "I have spent years with you, and those idiots. Through you, I've experienced more things than just wars, or the greed of man. For the first time in **hundreds of years** , I have been bonded by contract, to a boy who has experienced grief, and seeks revenge while being selfless." Sebastian closed his eyes, head tilted as the words floated in his head, not believing that he was saying such things. "Humans will always be fascinating, especially those who are careless and cruel. But _you_ ," He opened his eyes, staring into the pair of confused mismatched before him. "You encounter these people, but at such a young age, you are **less** animal than the rest. You've taught me so much in such a short duration of time, and I must shamefully confess," He paused, eyes toward the side, staring at a spot on the rug. "I have started to feel more ' _human-like_ ', in place of emotions I thought long dormant." He looked to the curious and settling boy. "I've started to care for your well being. I've started to worry for your safety. I've felt pride in your accomplishments."

A stray tear rolled along the curve of Ciel's face.

"Don't misunderstand," Sebastian wiped the tear along the boys jaw with a gloved thumb. "I _will_ still take your soul, and in doing so, you will utterly cease to exist in all forms." The Demon returned his focus to the boys eyes. "But you are no longer just another meal. I was not lying when I said that I believe your father would be proud. I am certain that he is. That his broken, tortured, son has managed against all odds." He watched as the boy began to tear up again. "You are mortal, and I feel a... Sadness, in acknowledging that your time is fleeting, because you may not see it, but you are a _very_ unique human, Ciel Phantomhive, decorated by the Queen herself, youngest Earl to his name, charitable philanthropist, and a boy who's endured many wild adventures- who's survived **great** horrors that would break those _twice_ your age."

The boy was starting to curl into himself.

"I am _proud_ of you, my Lord-" Sebastian didn't expect that he'd be cut off by an embrace. Maybe angry words, or the order to be silent and leave, but not this.

Without warning, Ciel had thrown himself at the Demon, his trembling arms wrapping around the creatures neck, desperately hugging him as he cried, loud, so loud that surely everyone in the manor could hear. "I want my mum!" The boy cried, loud and ugly. "I want my dad!" He sobbed. "I want it all back! I want them all back! **I never wanted this!** " He coughed out more chocked sobs. "Never this! Oh, _Gods!_ Sebastian! **I don't want this!** "

Sebastian returned the embrace, feeling something that he assumes was a distant pain at seeing the boy, usually so resilient, break apart in such a way. "There there, young Master. You'll stress out your lungs. We wouldn't want you to have an episode." He smiled as he felt the boys head nod in agreement. 

They remained this way, embracing each other, until Sebastian was certain the boy had exhausted himself.

"Young Master, are you tired?" The boy responded with a muffled 'yes', and Sebastian nodded in response. "Then let's get you back to bed." He warned, unwrapped his arms from around the young lord, and re-positioning his hold with one hand against the boys back, while the other was at the bend of the knees. Sebastian easily carried the limp body, resting him atop the mattress, and pulling the comforter over with no fuss. He placed a gloved hand atop the boys forehead, smiling when their eyes met. "Sleep now, young Master. A long day awaits us."

"As per usual."

Sebastian let out a short chuckle. "Yes, as per usual." He took a step back as he watched the boys eyes close, losing the battle and succumbing to sleep. The Demon then took the candle hold, and blew out the fire. "Sweet dreams, my Lord."

From that day forward, the incident was never mentioned or reenacted, ever again.  
Their dynamic followed as usual, but at least now the boy found trust and comfort in the Demon, feeling as though the signs of concern were not a fabrication.

The young Earl followed his mission. Despite there being unbearable grievances along the way, Ciel had achieved the justice he had desperately been reaching to accomplish, and Sebastian kept his end of the bargain, successfully ending the Phantomhive bloodline.

Many more would come, the Demon knew, but he could honestly admit that he would never feel such paternal instinct as he did in the time that he had served a young tortured boy, who carried a heavy name atop his tiny shoulders. 

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I dunno, I just wrote this because I could find anything like this so, here it is for me to read when I forget that I wrote it.


End file.
